The Secrets of Goombas Pizza: A Slice of Mystery and Cats

We were somewhere around the litter box, on the edge of the kitchen, when the pizza began to take hold. The tabby looked at me with eyes like headlights—‘Too much catnip,’ he muttered, ‘and not enough crust

---

The call was made from a burner phone. No name, no address—just coordinates scrawled on a pizza box from the last order. The Goombas delivery guy was unfazed. He knocked twice, left the goods on a splintered porch, and vanished into the night.

Inside the Den

What awaited inside was a remarkable scene. Eight cats lounged in a shadowy room with their hoods up. Their eyes glowed like headlights in a fog bank. The wallpaper hung in tatters. The air buzzed with low-level tension and the smell of Little Italy felt suspended in time. This wasn’t a home; it was a den. A pizza-fueled fever dream. And tonight… was slice night.

---

Unwritten Rules of the Slice Night

1. Slices Are Sacred. But So Is Sharing.

   Nobody touches the pie until the chain-wearing tabby gives the signal. Break this rule, and you're out—through the cracked screen door and straight into the alley.

   
   

2. No Judgment, Just Sauce.

   One cat sprinkles hot Cheetos on his slice. Another dips crust in milk. Nobody flinches. Not here. Not in the trap.

   
   

3. Dress Code: Uniformly Menacing.

   All cats were dressed in black fur. Whiskers twitched ominously. They looked as if they had just held up a pet store for laser pointers and left without saying a word.

   
   

4. Water Game: Strong. Silent. Cold.

   There’s no beer. No soda. Only cloudy tap water served in mismatched mugs. It’s reverently offered and sipped in silence.

   
   

5. The Mood is Cinematic.

   A single flickering lamp illuminates the room. An old TV stuck on static. Pizza steam rises like a ghostly presence. The whole atmosphere feels like it’s holding its breath.

   
   

6. Loyalty’s in the Layers.

   These cats would protect you fiercely, yet if you double-book the delivery address, you’re done. Their loyalty runs mozzarella-deep and crust-wide.

   
   

7. The Vibe is Unshakeable.

   Someone meows. Nobody laughs. You think it's a joke, but it is not.

   
   

8. Look at This Freakin’ Photo.

   Tell me you wouldn’t hesitate at the door. This isn’t just any pizza drop; it’s the toughest one in Colorado.

   
   

---

Final Thoughts on the Pizza Pact

These cats don’t dine in. They don’t do public. Instead, they live off-grid, off-menu, off everything. When the pie arrives, it’s a ceremony. When it's gone, there’s only silence.

You don’t just order Goombas. You enter a pact. It’s a commitment to a slice of life that few understand.

Get Your Own Slice at Goombas Pizza

📦 We don’t do dine-in. But we do deliver to dens, hideouts, trap houses, and wherever you and your crew set up. Tag us @goombas.wads with #slicesquad if your delivery game runs this deep.

---

Do not panic. Do not make eye contact. Just use code gonzo10 for 10% off and hope for the best.

🍕😾order delivery 😾🍕